I know as much as you, getting forward is a question of trial and error. It’s how it’s been with my photography from the very beginning. Not having academic photography background or sufficient resources to invest in photography lessons, I did what I could with what I had. I’ve done in the past photography in conditions other photographers would doom impossible for producing a decent image and yet one of my best photographs ever taken(which recently made the cover of a novel) was created in outrageously small kitchen using only daylight.
I’ve been thinking about new beginnings, I think I’ve now reached phase where I desperately need to evolve. And not being sure where to start from, I am recalling my first steps, what drew me into photography, how it all happened… Looking at the past sometimes can give you some pretty good ideas of how to shape your future.
I remember someone saying that the world crisis in Chinese also means opportunity. I do believe that this is the key to how miracles happen. My way of tackling problems is probably inherited from my mum who has the unique ability to remain calm in situations which would normally cause panic. Not saying I always keep a straight-face as I am one of those suffering from over-sensitivity, literally the smallest thing can evoke a hurricane of feelings but I do not like showing what’s happening in my inner world. Maybe that’s why I may seem to some people so quiet, closed, even big-headed. Truth is I have my inner battles, I keep myself to myself(and very few) but once the wave of emotion has passed(depends on how much time I’ve got to feel angry, sad, frustrated, indecisive, etc…) I do pull myself together and start thinking ‘okay things are pretty messed up, what can I do from now on, what can I do to improve them, what’s done is done, now what next’. You should have your ‘next’, you deserve the chance to have your ‘next’, but you have to work hard for your ‘next’. Simple as that.
And recently I’ve been asked of one the most difficult questions – ‘So which is the photograph you are most proud of?’. I thought I didn’t have an answer even though by habit I did give a very thorough one. But I was wrong. Much later this day reflecting on it I came to realise I was initially right, I did not have an answer… no, actually, I did not have one. I do not have a favourite photograph. The projects I have worked on are all different feelings, emotions, each with its own light, with its own shade. I am incapable of picking one and saying ‘This is the ultimate one’. I think my favourite photograph would be every new one, every photograph still to come, every new world still to create. The ultimate photograph is in the process of making, and it will always remain there. The ultimate photograph is being thirsty for creation, it’s a flick of light. And even though maybe there is nothing faster than the speed of light photographers still manage to catch it and keep it. You should keep your inner light, I think this may be a lesson to learn…
Thank you for listening, my friends. And thank you for the support, it does make a difference in my world.
The beautiful model on these photographs is Kali Bawdwin, more are still to come.