I woke up early one morning two weeks ago and while washing my face I noticed a small mole on my chin. That wasn’t there before! Or was it? Where did it come from? Why? I know moles can appear from the sun but this one did not choose to appear during the 20-something years of me living in a 38°C summer country but now, when I am I England, rarely go out and live in almost constant darkness (which I actually like most of the time). My thoughts drifted and somehow I remembered how human beings are never complete, they are creation in the making, constantly changing and the difference of couple of minutes, a flick of a butterfly’s wing, can be a difference to define a lifetime. I am very controversial in my attitude to change, I welcome it with all my being, I enjoy the challenge of change, but at the same time I like established things, feeling in control, knowing the steps under the lamp posts at night, the familiarity of the surroundings. It’s hard to explain because the ‘always the same’ kills me, I get bored easily but being for a long time part of something makes it your own and makes you love it in a way.
The charm of familiar things. I always use the example of my old neighbourhood where I grew up (six onwards)- with the flock of stray dogs, big ugly claustrophobic and square blocks of flats, so similar to each other that once, when I was little, on the way back from the corner shop I got into the wrong block, climbed up to the 8th floor where I used to live only to realise that this is not my door and not our flat… My first impression of that place was that it was grim and ugly, I missed the big light streets and warmth of the earth the Linden trees and the ‘girgle’-like singing of the collared doves. But then, couple of years down the line I learned to love it, I could find certain beauty in its broken roads, twisted metal fences, the dust and the sinister cry of the wind.
Out of your comfort zone. I love travelling from a very early age, we would always travel about 200-300km visiting my grandparents and before we even got a car we would often be on the train which was always a big adventure for me. I start to desperately miss discovering new places if I don’t get the change to do it for a while. There is the excitement of exploring a certain city for yourself, finding streets that are not the standard route, trying to see and feel the soul of this ‘habitat’ and imagining what it is to live there for a long time. Out of your comfort zone is where you learn faster, where you can experience a vast range of emotions and what will build you as a person and professional. I heard this by a friend but it’s the most logical thought – ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got.’
So, all of it, made me think about my art as well. The whole transformation, the constant seeking, the fear of the unknown and the thrill of miracles that happen after you’ve been trying hard for a long time. I noticed that just before a project is the most difficult time, that very first blind step, it takes the longest. And after that it’s a waterfall, it drifts you away. I try to remember to remind myself to be more focused, be less tired and keep myself always occupied. I think this may be the key to the happening of happiness… who knows : )