Locked In

I really feel for those of you who are currently in a dark place due to lockdown. I’ve been dreaming a lot of crazy stuff lately and not sleeping much, it’s all reflection of trying to make sense of everything happening. We have to remember it will be okay, soon or later it will be.

I woke up this morning with the time changed at the new 7:30am. And I started thinking there are some similarities between the current situation and the circumstances of a person moving to live in a foreign country, or even in a town far away. In an instant you lose real-life contact with all of your family, with all of your friends, with everything that’s familiar to you. You can’t go out much as you are broke. You worry if you are going to afford food to last the month or pay the bills.

Remembering the first weeks of when I moved to the dormitory in Coventry I was constantly crying. I didn’t even know why I was crying at the time, I was just feeling this pain and emptiness and loss. The years after the most difficult were two occasions – when something bad happens or when a familiar family holidays such as Easter or Christmas are on the door.

For the first you can no longer get a hug from your parents saying it will be okay. You can get a virtual hug, yes, but it’s just not the same. And vice-versa – for instance when my grandad passed away or when my dad was taken into hospital I had no means to be there, I had to experience it and try to support my other relatives from afar.

For the second one – big seasonal celebrations – seeing everybody happily shopping with their family – pushing trolleys, looking at the toys and chocolate on display, memories flashing of when you were baking cookies with your nan or making a cake or decorating the tree, all of this at once  – and knowing it’s not happening this year, can sometimes hit you really hard.

I just want to say – this storm will pass and you will come out of it. And if everything is not quite back to normal, and we are not the same, we’ve come out of this challenge knowing what is important and valuable and worth appreciating, we won’t take it for granted. Until then stay strong, keep safe, try to help each other in all the currently possible ways. Hope you can find ways to see this challenge as an opportunity – to learn, to grow, to develop, to support, to dream and explore. Big hug.


My nan waving at me in her garden


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